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Prologue

To Who It May Concern

(Wait…is it “who” or “whom”? Ugh, I can never remember. If I live long enough, remind me to ask Mr. Statler in homeroom tomorrow.)

My name is Ezekiel J. Bartholomew. I figure my parents gave me that name because they were really popular and had a lot of friends growing up and by naming me Zeke it would balance out our family’s popularity. Most kids in my school have names like Tom or Mike or Freddie or Bill. In fact, I’ve never met another Ezekiel in my life. Most of my regular friends call me Zeke, so I guess you can call me that too. I say “regular” friends because I have another friend too. My friend will soon call me Sea Otter. I know, I know. The name Sea Otter doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of my enemies, but you’ll learn who my other friend is and why I’m called Sea Otter very shortly. In the end it will all make sense.

When I was in the third grade, my gym teacher wrote on my report card: “Zeke is medium everything.” So after everything that happened, even after everything was explained to me, I’ve often asked myself: how could a twelve-year-old “medium everything” become the most wanted kid in the world? I’m still not totally sure. But what I do know is this: if you’re reading this letter, he’s found me. The most dangerous person in the world. My nemesis. (Or the person reading this is my dad, and you snooped around my room when I’ve told you a million times that it’s totally off limits when I’m not home. So if you’re my dad, ignore everything I’m about to say and stop reading right now. It’s just your silly, daydreaming son, Zeke, pretending to be a superspy again. But if this isn’t my dad, then you’d better listen closely, because the fate of the world is at stake.)

You might think everything I’m about to tell you is a big lie. “Zeke loves to make up exciting adventures because he’s never going to have any of his own!” you might say. Or, “There goes Zeke again, Zeke the daydreamer, the joke of an inventor, thinking he’s some sort of kick-butt spy, when in reality I’d pick an inflatable mattress over him to be on my dodgeball team.” I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that. My fourth-grade English teacher, Ms. Wilderman, wrote that my short stories “lack creativity.” See, right from the mouth of a teaching professional. I’m not creative enough to make up what I’m about to tell you even if I wanted to. I’ve never been creative on paper, but I also never thought my creativity might save the world.

So I can understand why you might not believe me. But I promise you that this is all true.

If you’re reading this, it means he’s still out there. The most dangerous person in the world. He knows I’m still alive. But I also know that he knows I’m still alive. I’m not sure why he wants me to know he’s still alive, unless he just wants me to be pee-my-pants scared over the possibility of him coming for me, but to be honest, after everything that’s happened, I say bring it on.

So this is the truth. This is how the fate of the world fell into the hands of an unimportant dorky kid from nowheresville. This is how it all began. But before I start, you need to know his name. The true identity of my nemesis. My foe. The person who will stop at anything to kill me.

So whatever you do, if you find this note, know that he is out there. And he is…uh-oh, I can hear my dad coming up the stairs. But this letter isn’t ready yet. I’d better hide it where nobody will ever find it…

“The beginning pulls the reader in and keeps him hooked with action-packed events throughout. The story line had me nervous, sad and excited to see what would happen next.” - TIME for Kids

“Zeke Bartholomew always wanted to be a spy. Instead, he is just a dorky middle school kid with one smart, but shy friend, Kyle. When new neighbors move in next door, Zeke is convinced they are spies. Determined to find evidence of his neighbor's secret life, Zeke goes through their garbage can and finds nothing, but an old pair of sunglasses. His dream of being a spy turns into a nightmare when he puts on the sunglasses and is mistaken for his neighbor, Derek Lance.

A wet escape from his kidnapper sand a fiery attempt at his life leads Zeke to an albino hulk intent on killing him. Zeke also meet a girl names Sparrow who happens to be a spy for SNURP, The Strategic National Rennaisance Project. Together they have to find Mr. Le Carre, the mastermind behind an evil scheme to rule the world with sound waves embedded in a music video.

During their escape and quest to stop the evil thugs, Zeke leads Sparrow to an underground hideout where he and Kyle keep their cool techno gadgets. It's hard to believe Zeke was ever a thoughtless dork when glimpsing into the hideout and the ingenuity of his inventions. He really seems more like a young James Bond which makes ZEKE BARTHOLOMEW: SUPERSPY a fun spy thriller for ages 11-13. Recommended for older child who enjoys adventure and cool gadgets. A sequel is planned which will give the reader a new adventure with Zeke to look forward to.” - Boys and Literacy

A geeky seventh grader's fantasies about becoming a "kick-butt spy" all come true when a new classmate clad in a business suit and mirror shades moves in next door.
Intrigued by the advent of sneering, hypercool "Derek Lance," Zeke does the logical thing and sneaks out that night to go through his new neighbor's garbage-whereupon he's picked up by a carload of plug uglies who mistake him for Lance. Zeke is interrogated about codes for something called "SirEebro," attacked by a mutant fire monster whose veins run with lava, rescued by a hot (if sharp-tongued) teenaged operative from SNURP ("The Strategic National Underground Reconnaissance Project") named Sparrow and catapulted into a desperate effort to scotch the evil scheme of costumed mastermind Mr. Le Carré. This evildoer plans to enslave humanity from an underground fortress with sound waves buried in a music video. Pinter, a writer of adult thrillers, keeps the action cranked up to full speed, but the "spy" and "superhero" tropes mix uneasily, and the characters seem labored. Unfortunately, this applies most notably to Zeke, who paradoxically maps himself at length as the familiar scorned, nonathletic, typecast suburban nerd but then goes on to display not only bottomless reserves of cool-headed pluck but also a secret underground lab of his own filled with fantastic techno-spy inventions.
Headlong fun (with at least one sequel on the way), but readers will really have to work hard to suspend disbelief. (Thriller. 11-13)

“Zeke Bartholomew Superspy is a joyful, fun ride that pre-teens, teens, and even adults will certainly enjoy.” - Midwest Book Reviews