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Description
“If you have introvert inclinations and are doubting yourself, this is a must read. Or if you know someone who exhibits introvert symptoms, read this book before calling the shrink.”
—Bhante Yog...
“If you have introvert inclinations and are doubting yourself, this is a must read. Or if you know someone who exhibits introvert symptoms, read this book before calling the shrink.”
—Bhante Yogavacara Rahula, author of One Night’s Shelter: An Autobiography of an American Buddhist Monk
EMBRACE THE POWER INSIDE YOU
Are you an introvert? Psychologist and introvert Laurie Helgoe reveals that more than half of all Americans are. Introverts gain energy and power through reflection and solitude. Our culture, however, is geared toward the extrovert. The pressure to enjoy parties, chatter, and interactions can lead people to think that an inward orientation is a problem instead of an opportunity.
Helgoe shows that the exact opposite is true: Introverts can capitalize on this inner source of power. INTROVERT POWEINTROVERT POWER is a groundbreaking call for an introvert renaissance, a blueprint for how introverts can take full advantage of this hidden strength in daily life. Supplemented by the voices of several introverts, Helgoe presents a startling look at introvert numbers, influence, and economic might.
Revolutionary and invaluable, INTROVERT POWER includes ideas for how introverts can learn to:
- Claim private space
- Carve out time to think
- Bring a slower tempo into daily life
- Create breaks in conversation and relationships
- Deal effectively with parties, interruptions, and crowds
QUIET IS MIGHT. SOLITUDE IS STRENGTH. INTROVERSION IS POWER.
About the Author
Laurie A. Helgoe Ph.D.
Laurie A. Helgoe, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist with 14 years of experience. Her practice has included psychological assessment and diagnosis, psychotherapy, and consultation. She has taught students and interns at the undergraduate, graduate and postgraduate levels. Dr. Helgoe also provides consultation, lectures and seminars to new and practicing clinicians. Dr. Helgoe is author of the Boomer‚s Guide to Dating (Again), published in 2004 by Alpha Books. Martin J. Kommer, M.D. is Chair of the Department of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatry at West Virginia University, where he has taught for almost 30 years. In addition to teaching, Dr. Kommer provides psychotherapy and medication consultation, conducts research, and is active in mental health and psychiatric associations. He has also provided stress debriefing to community and state paramedics, firemen and police. Laura R. Wilhelm, Ph.D. received her doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from Ohio University in 2000. She works as an Assistant Professor at the West Virginia University Department of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatry in Charleston, WV. Her outpatient practice focuses on the treatment of anxiety disorders, depression and anger problems in adults. Other clinical interests include: adjustment to medical problems, stress management, assertiveness, and group therapy. Dr. Wilhelm also serves as the Director of her department‚s Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Training Program, in which she teaches and supervises psychiatric residents, psychology interns, and medical students.Table of Contents
Introduction
Part I: Antisocial, Weird, or Displaced?
Chapter 1: The Mistaken Identity
Chapter 2: Alone Is Not a Four-Letter Word
Chapter 3: Becoming an Alien
Chapter 4: “Anyone Else IN?”
Chapter 5: Meditating with the Majority: The Introverted Society
Part II: The Introvert’s Wish List
Chapter 6: A Room of Your Own
Chapter 7: The Time to Think
Chapter 8: The Right to Retreat
Chapter 9: The Freedom of a Flâneur
Chapter 10: Inroads to Intimacy
Part III: Standing Still in a Loud World
Chapter 11: The Conversation Conundrum
Chapter 12: The Anti-Party Guide
Chapter 13: Why Did I Want to Work with People?
Chapter 14: The Downside to Self-Containment
Chapter 15: Showing Up for Relationships
Part IV: Outing the Introvert
Chapter 16: From Apology to Acceptance—and Beyond
Chapter 17: Celebrating Introversion
Chapter 18: Expressing What’s In There
Chapter 19: Moshing on Your Own Terms
Chapter 20: Introvert Power
Bibliography
Acknowledgments
Index
About the Author
Part I: Antisocial, Weird, or Displaced?
Chapter 1: The Mistaken Identity
Chapter 2: Alone Is Not a Four-Letter Word
Chapter 3: Becoming an Alien
Chapter 4: “Anyone Else IN?”
Chapter 5: Meditating with the Majority: The Introverted Society
Part II: The Introvert’s Wish List
Chapter 6: A Room of Your Own
Chapter 7: The Time to Think
Chapter 8: The Right to Retreat
Chapter 9: The Freedom of a Flâneur
Chapter 10: Inroads to Intimacy
Part III: Standing Still in a Loud World
Chapter 11: The Conversation Conundrum
Chapter 12: The Anti-Party Guide
Chapter 13: Why Did I Want to Work with People?
Chapter 14: The Downside to Self-Containment
Chapter 15: Showing Up for Relationships
Part IV: Outing the Introvert
Chapter 16: From Apology to Acceptance—and Beyond
Chapter 17: Celebrating Introversion
Chapter 18: Expressing What’s In There
Chapter 19: Moshing on Your Own Terms
Chapter 20: Introvert Power
Bibliography
Acknowledgments
Index
About the Author
Excerpt
Excerpt from Chapter One: The Mistaken Identity
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
“He’s thin and white…if he’s tall he’s got bad posture.”
“Not particularly attractive, ungainly, with skin problems—would be first underweight and then (later in life) overweight.”
“Nerdy.”
“Geeky.”
“Conservative style, neutral colors.”
These are some descriptions of what an introvert looks like.
What is alarming is that these descriptions all come from introverts! When the same people describe themselves, the picture changes:
“My physical appearance is…exotic. Light green-blue slanted eyes and high cheekbones.”
“Natural blonde.”
“I’m overweight, tanned skin, big, round, and dark brown eyes.”
“Somewhat tall, reasonably attractive considering age.”
“Brown curly hair—I look like I’m from another country.”
What stood out to me as I polled these people was the sterile and colorless quality of the archetypal introvert, contrasted by the colorized descriptions of the self-identified introverts. The stereotyped introvert is often seen as introvert by default when, in fact, introversion is defined as a preference. Introverts generally prefer a rich inner life to an expansive social life; we would rather talk intimately with a close friend than share stories with a group; and we prefer to develop our ideas internally rather than interactively.
So how have we jumped from these preferences to images of a cowering, reclusive weirdo? Iris Chang commented, “Whatever is not commonly seen is condemned as alien.” We have lost our eyes for introversion. As we discussed in the introduction, introverts make up more than half of the population, yet we assume that introverts are an occasional deviation—the geeks in the shadows. Introversion, by definition, is not readily seen. Introverts keep their best stuff inside—that is, until it is ready. And this drives extroverts crazy! The explanation for the introvert’s behavior—and there must be an explanation for this behavior, say the extroverts—is that he or she is antisocial, out of touch, or simply a snob.
Because introverts are trickier to read, it is easy to project our fears and negative biases onto this preference. And it’s not just extroverts who do this. As my informal poll revealed, we often make similar assumptions about other introverts, and—most troubling of all—about ourselves! One of the introverts I polled is a striking beauty. She described her physical appearance as “OK.” Another very attractive introvert described herself as “the status quo.” These downplayed descriptions may reflect a tendency to focus less on externals, but we also tend to downplay our very personalities—the style we prefer. For example, do you ever jokingly or apologetically admit to being antisocial, or view yourself as boring in relation to your chatty associates? Do you beat yourself up for not joining in? Do you worry that something is wrong with you; that you’re missing out; that who you are naturally is a problem needing correction?
Your nature is not the problem. The problem is that you have become alienated from your nature—from your power source. As Isabel Briggs Myers discussed in her book, Gifts Differing, “The best-adjusted people are the ‘psychologically patriotic,’ who are glad to be what they are.”
For introverts this means, “Their loyalty goes to their own inner principle and derives from it a secure and unshakable orientation to life.” But we have been shaken. To reclaim the power of introversion, we must first deconstruct the assumptions we make about who we are.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
“He’s thin and white…if he’s tall he’s got bad posture.”
“Not particularly attractive, ungainly, with skin problems—would be first underweight and then (later in life) overweight.”
“Nerdy.”
“Geeky.”
“Conservative style, neutral colors.”
These are some descriptions of what an introvert looks like.
What is alarming is that these descriptions all come from introverts! When the same people describe themselves, the picture changes:
“My physical appearance is…exotic. Light green-blue slanted eyes and high cheekbones.”
“Natural blonde.”
“I’m overweight, tanned skin, big, round, and dark brown eyes.”
“Somewhat tall, reasonably attractive considering age.”
“Brown curly hair—I look like I’m from another country.”
What stood out to me as I polled these people was the sterile and colorless quality of the archetypal introvert, contrasted by the colorized descriptions of the self-identified introverts. The stereotyped introvert is often seen as introvert by default when, in fact, introversion is defined as a preference. Introverts generally prefer a rich inner life to an expansive social life; we would rather talk intimately with a close friend than share stories with a group; and we prefer to develop our ideas internally rather than interactively.
So how have we jumped from these preferences to images of a cowering, reclusive weirdo? Iris Chang commented, “Whatever is not commonly seen is condemned as alien.” We have lost our eyes for introversion. As we discussed in the introduction, introverts make up more than half of the population, yet we assume that introverts are an occasional deviation—the geeks in the shadows. Introversion, by definition, is not readily seen. Introverts keep their best stuff inside—that is, until it is ready. And this drives extroverts crazy! The explanation for the introvert’s behavior—and there must be an explanation for this behavior, say the extroverts—is that he or she is antisocial, out of touch, or simply a snob.
Because introverts are trickier to read, it is easy to project our fears and negative biases onto this preference. And it’s not just extroverts who do this. As my informal poll revealed, we often make similar assumptions about other introverts, and—most troubling of all—about ourselves! One of the introverts I polled is a striking beauty. She described her physical appearance as “OK.” Another very attractive introvert described herself as “the status quo.” These downplayed descriptions may reflect a tendency to focus less on externals, but we also tend to downplay our very personalities—the style we prefer. For example, do you ever jokingly or apologetically admit to being antisocial, or view yourself as boring in relation to your chatty associates? Do you beat yourself up for not joining in? Do you worry that something is wrong with you; that you’re missing out; that who you are naturally is a problem needing correction?
Your nature is not the problem. The problem is that you have become alienated from your nature—from your power source. As Isabel Briggs Myers discussed in her book, Gifts Differing, “The best-adjusted people are the ‘psychologically patriotic,’ who are glad to be what they are.”
For introverts this means, “Their loyalty goes to their own inner principle and derives from it a secure and unshakable orientation to life.” But we have been shaken. To reclaim the power of introversion, we must first deconstruct the assumptions we make about who we are.
Specs
Format: Paperback
Dimensions
Length: 9 in
Width: 6 in
Weight: 13.60 oz
Page Count: 288 pages
Dimensions
Length: 9 in
Width: 6 in
Weight: 13.60 oz
Page Count: 288 pages
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