Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things

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Description
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At a loss for words, hockey puck? You can always quote Shakespeare...

Or delve into this entertaining compendium of insults and verbal abuse, all couched in language of the most uplifting nature. Filled with common and not-so-common zingers that will both shock you and make you laugh your @$$! off.

Includes:

Exactly how to address individual mounds of foul, undigested lumps of donkey entrails
That "F"-ing word and other intensives
Many, many ways to refer to the part that goes over the fence last
More euphemisms, synonyms, phrases and descriptions than you knew existed for sexual activities, proclivities, untoward incidents, accidents of nature and the beast with two backs
Addressing the mentally incompetent, the cerebrally challenged, the absurdly bureaucratic, the impossibly rational and other instances of ineptitude, obfuscation or obstruction and much more!

About the Author

Linda Berdoll

Linda Berdoll is a self-described "Texas farm wife" whose interest in all things Austen was piqued by the BBC/A&E mini-series of Pride and Prejudice. Four years and much research later, her effort, Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (originally titled The Bar Sinister) appeared, to the acclaim of readers and the horror of Jane Austen purists. This is Berdoll's first novel, but she has since published a humorous book of euphemisms and is now at work on a sequel to the sequel. She and her husband live on a pecan farm in Del Valle, Texas. Although she admits that she eloped in a manner similar to Lydia Bennet's, to her great fortune it was with Darcy, not Wickham.

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Table of Contents
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Chapter 1. Censuring the Fool: The Lost Art of the Insult
Of Hos and Hounds
International Culinary Observations
At a Loss for Words, Hockey Puck? Quote Shakespeare!
Sacre Bleu: Minced Oaths, Profanities and Expletives
The Body and Its Imperfections
Silent Disparagement: The Bird and His Friends
Circumlocution
Worshipping at the Shrine of Bacchus

Chapter 2. Indisposition Gastro-Intestinal Disorder
Pussyfooting around the Curse Crawling Creatures
Social Diseases
Foul Emanations
In the Privy
Wring Out One’s Socks
Afflicted by Time’s Winged Chariot
The Bucket Kick’d

Chapter 3. Bewitched, Bothered and Betwattled
Overborne by Desire
Temporary Priaprism
Humbled in the Act of Love
The Long Carbine
Dallying, Firkytoodling, and Finkdiddling
Bowing at the Altar of Eros
Safe Sex or Sex “Sain et Sauf”
Men Behaving Badly

Excerpt
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Chapter 1

Censuring the Fool:
The Lost Art of the Insult

Few would argue that some behavior is so abhorrent, it demands redressing. Regardless of justification—idiot drivers, impud...