Introduction

Sure, we love kids. They're cute. (Ahem, most of the time.) They have little chubby faces that beg to be smooshed. Or cleaned. It really all depends on the day. So yes, obviously we love them—we have wiped their butts after all, come on. But that doesn't mean we don't sometimes wish they were just a little smarter…or at least pretended to be smarter in public. Okay, maybe once in a while we think about admitting to them that we eat all the good stuff when they're asleep, just to see the pissed-off look on their face. Or we dream about telling them that we are the ones who filled their stockings with all that awesome stuff—so cool it on the whole "Santa rules" thing, because really, Santa sucks.

Of course we have these thoughts. And that's what I Ate All Your Cookies is all about. Laugh along with all the hilarious things you've ever wanted to say—but never will—to these relentless child overlords. What could be better therapy than laughing at them, all without their knowledge?