"Wickedly funny.”
—Kirkus

A witty, beloved novel of heart and heartland, Farm Fatale skewers the culture clash of city vs. country in the snappy, observa

...

Bang on 8 am, the car alarm that had been shrieking all night finally stopped. After a two-second pause, the road drills began. Rosie could hold back no longer.

“Mark? You know we’ve been talking about moving to the countryside…”

“You’ve been talking about it, you mean,” corrected Mark, hunched over his bowl of Cheerios and flicking rapidly through the newspapers. “I don’t believe it.” He groaned.

“I know.” Rosie pressed her hands to her ears. “They only dug up that patch a week ago. Something to do with cable TV…”

“Not that,” said Mark, his spoon dripping milk as he shook it at the center spread of a tabloid. “This. The Mail’s got Matt Locke. We’ve been trying to get him for ages.”

“Who’s Matt Locke?”

Mark looked at her, exasperated. “Honestly, you’re like that judge who asked ‘Who is Gazza?’ Don’t you ever read the papers?”

“You know I don’t. Apart from the horoscopes.” No doubt, Rosie thought, she was missing something, but she failed to share the awe with which Mark regarded newspapers in general and his job on one in particular. After all, it wasn’t as if he was setting the national agenda, exposing Nazis, or bringing corrupt politicians to book. As far as Rosie could make out, Mark’s job as assistant editor on a Sunday lifestyle section mostly involved rewriting other people’s articles—“tickling up” as he called it—and attempting to persuade celebrities to give interviews about everything from their cystitis (for “Disease of the Week”) to the contents of their refrigerator (for the “Chillin’” slot).

“Matt Locke, m’lud,” Mark explained with elaborate patience, “is an extremely successful singer. The chisel-cheeked champion of howling rock ’n’ roll angst, he burst on the scene two years ago with the number one platinum album Posh Totty, an epoch-making elegy to soaring strings, gutsy guitar, melancholy blues, and a touch of country and western, following it up with the even more successful What Did Your Last One Die Of ? Then, at the height of his fame, he crashed and burned amid claims that the stress was too much.”

“Oh,” said Rosie, peering at the newspaper photograph of a girlish-looking youth with elaborately tousled hair and huge lips. He did not look particularly stressed. Actually, he looked half asleep. She winced as the road drills outside changed to an even more brain-penetrating key. “Darling, you know you said you’d think about it. The countryside, I mean.”

“Recycled interviews, of course,” Mark muttered, pressing his nose almost against the newspaper. “Nothing that’s not been printed before. Apart from these aerial pictures of Matt in his garden, although they’re so blurry, it’s probably one of the gnomes.”

“Two-thirds of people living in cities want to live in the country,” Rosie persevered, hoping she’d remembered the figures properly. “Thousands are migrating every month.”

“So if we stay in London,” Mark said flippantly, “everyone else will eventually leave, house prices will go down, and we’ll end up with a mansion on Regent’s Park Road.”

“Oh, Mark.”

“Look,” Mark said, putting the newspaper down at last. “I know I said last night that I’d think about it, but it was the wine speaking. I don’t want to leave London. I’m a townie born and bred. Crowds and noise are my lifeblood; filth is my friend. I can’t breathe anything but carbon monoxide. A landscape of brutalist shopping precincts, down-at-the-heel Tube stations, and municipal concrete bunkers is the only sort of scenery I have time for. Besides,” he added, stretching with satisfaction, “I’m going to be promoted. At long last, the paper’s going to give me a column of my own.”

“It is? But you never mentioned that last night.”

“Well, it’s not quite sorted out yet.”

“So it’s still ‘Driving Miss Daisy’ for the moment?”

The main column in Mark’s section, “Driving Miss Daisy,” recorded the adventures of Househusband, a stay-at-home father who looked after his infant daughter, Daisy, while his wife, a successful futures trader, went to work. Desperate for a column of his own, Mark despised the weekly chore of extracting the material out of Househusband and writing up the results himself. The fact that Househusband was incapable of stringing a sentence together, much less coming up with ideas, was, as Mark often savagely pointed out, not unconnected to the fact that he was the brother-in-law of the paper’s editor.

Mark’s brows drew together crossly. “For the moment, yes. But
they’ve obviously given me that to train me for better things.” He
raked a hand through his rumpled golden hair. “Rosie, I can’t leave.
I’m on the brink of a promising career.”

“Look,” she said persuasively. “Why don’t you ask the paper for a writing contract? Or go freelance, if they won’t do it. You’d enjoy it much more. We could live anywhere we liked then. You can’t really want to stay here.” The hand she waved at their rented flat’s dustbloomed windows jerked involuntarily as a backfiring car joined the shrilling symphony of drills. “Imagine: Clean air. Cottages with roses round the door. Sun-dappled country lanes, empty of traffic.” Mark merely shrugged at this. Her dreams, Rosie realized miserably, were not his. In which case, she’d target his nightmares, namely the dentist and going bald. “Water that doesn’t cause tartar buildup behind your teeth. Rain that’s clean and doesn’t poison your hair follicles.” As he still looked unimpressed, she added desperately, “Struggling into the office on the crappy, broken-down old Tube with your face pushed into someone’s bottom. Or armpit.”

“You don’t have to struggle on the Tube anyway,” Mark cut in self-righteously. “You’re a freelance illustrator. You can lie around all day if you want.”

Rosie rolled her eyes but refrained from pointing out that the endless illustrations for the food and horoscope pages of various glossy magazines in which she seemed to have become a specialist left little time for bon-bons on the couch. The fact that paintings of scallops and Scorpio were relatively poorly paid was, Rosie thought, another argument in favor of the move. Her fees would go further in the country.

Farm Fatale: A Comedy of Country Manors opens in present day London which sounds busy, exhausting, and expensive. We’re seeing the city from the point of view of Rosie, an illustrator, disillusioned with what the City has to offer.

Rosie is tired of London — the expensive and cramped apartment, the crowded subways, and the noise. She dreams of moving to the country, having a small cottage and a garden, but unfortunately, her boyfriend Mark prefers living in the City. Mark isn’t interested in moving — he’s far more interested in his career as a journalist and eventually getting his own column.

When Mark sells his editor on a new column "Green-er Pastures" where Mark will write about swapping city life for "rural heaven," Rosie gets her wish. The couple searches for the ideal home on their tiny budget — the real estate journey fun on its own. But the real adventure begins when they settle into the village of Eight Mile Bottom.

Eight Mile Bottom has a fun crew of characters - here are a few that you’ll meet:

Samantha - wealthy B-movie actress who has an A+ ego. Samantha’s got an eye on the headlines and is eager to be one of the celebrities "escaping to the countryside." Samantha buys Bottoms, one of the oldest and largest estates in Eight Mile Bottom, and "modernizes" the place using her unique taste and a team of decorators.

Guy - Samantha’s meal ticket. He’s loud, crude and a whiz at finance. As Guy spends more time with Samantha in their new home (Bottoms) he starts to see her more clearly - and it’s not a pretty sight.

Matt - a superstar musician whose first two albums went platinum. Something happened and Matt fled from the public eyes — he’s become a hermit. His neighbors and the press keep an eye out for celebrity sightings!

Duffy - the postman with no respect for the privacy of the Royal Mail. He’s also the Village’s biggest gossip. Duffy had wanted to be a journalist — and his perseverance and questions indicate he would have been a good fit.

John - a dairy and sheep farmer in the neighborhood. He’s tall, well-built, good looking and seems to be developing an interest in Rosie.

Mrs. Womersley - Mark and Rosie’s elderly neighbor who is very good with her hands: cooking, baking, gardening, sewing, etc. She’s also John’s aunt and isn’t above match-making.

Add to this mix a former Bond Girl, a posh best friend and her spoiled child, and a series of misunderstandings and you have Farm Fatale. Rosie is flighty, funny, kind, unlucky in love and a likable character - can’t help but cheer for her. Farm Fatale: A Comedy of Country Manors is a fun, romantic comedy - British style.

If you’ve ever dreamed of living in a charming cottage in the countryside then FARM FATALE is a must read book. Plus, who could resist a book cover like that?

Author Wendy Holden weaves a funny and delightful tale of a London couple’s move from the big city to a small country town.

Rosie, a freelance illustrator, is bored with city life and longs for the countryside. Meanwhile, her live-in boyfriend Mark loves the city and is sure he’s about to get his ‘big break’ at the newspaper he works for.

The ‘big break’ turns out to be a new column concerning city dwellers versus country living. With continuous pressure from Rosie, the couple makes the move to the countryside.

What they find in Eight Mile Bottom is not all that Rosie had dreamed of. The locals are an eccentric group including a recluse rock star, a gossiping mailman, next door neighbors who are a throwback to the hippy-era, and a rich couple searching for something difference themselves. Oh, and there could be a ghost around too.

The witty dialogue and fun-filled adventures of the group will keep you entertained page after page.

FARM FATALE reminds me of GREEN ACRES, the sitcom from the late 1960s. The difference in FARM FATALE, the woman wants to move to the country instead of the man, but the adventure is just as funny.

Author Wendy Holden has created a funny and unpredictable story with wonderful characters you’ll enjoy. This a diverting summer read.


What Works: This may possibly be AW’s favorite Holden title of all. There is a perfect balance between empathy with the female protagonist character and amused disbelief with the female antagonist character. The secondary characters run the gamut of what the reader (at least, this one) would like to see in a British set story: glam urbanite, nosy neighbor, farmer, rock star, and AW’s favorite: Bond girl. What’s not to like? Not to mention the setting; AW adores HGTV-type shows that follow prospective home buyers poking around all sorts of villages and period cottages on the search for a rural retreat. This novel takes that longing, and looks at the unattractive (but very funny) underbelly of what that means in the real estate market. So as the reader can well predict, the heroine’s dreams of an idyllic country cottage don’t quite pan out. Equal in the non-panning-out department are the anti-heroine’s dreams of an ostentatious country estate. The contrasts, and what the two women do about it, keep the reader entertained to the end and provide the basis for the apt subtitle ’A Comedy of Country Manors’ (itself a clever play on words).

What Doesn’t: Can’t think of anything.

Overall: A classic Holden comedy of satiric contrasts that merrily mocks some behaviors and stereotypes even as it incites mad fantasies of leaping onto trans-Atlantic flights to seek out one’s own charming English village filled with traditional as well as cutting-edge eccentrics.

But does it make you laugh? Yes, yes, yes!

Lady Avon! Ghost envy! A heart attack that somehow manages to be entertaining even though it really isn’t! Just deserts for social snobs! Just a few of the entertaining bits that await. Gentle Reader: go forth and enjoy. And then please come back to say if AW promised too much or just enough!


Rosie is an illustrator and Mark is a journalist living in the big city, but they both have grander dreams. Rosie wants to move into the country and Mark wants to become a freelance columnist.

With a quirk of fate, Mark is bestowed a column about cityfolk living in the country and so begins the search for a cozy cottage in the country. After much searching, they finally find a cute cottage affordable within their means in a small village and things seem to be working out nicely.

Then the neighbors come home with all of their children and it’s just not as quiet as it once was. Rosie gets a job to illustrate a book and she needs farm animals to draw, so she begins visiting a neighboring farm, and Mark struggles with his column. Rosie keeps advising him to use some of the local color, but Mark tells Rosie she doesn’t know what she is talking about.

It gets tense between the two and the local farmer’s advances to Rosie are getting harder and harder to avoid. Meanwhile, social climber, actress wannabe Samantha and her husband move into the village, buying one of the oldest and finest homes in the area, and throw a party. Mark is determined to get invited, and perhaps get a deal as a screenwriter.

The characters are quirky, funny, and the plot highly entertaining. The gossiping mailman was my favorite! Great for a summer read! Chick-lit lovers will love Farm Fatale

What seemed like a good idea at the time to Rosie, illustrator, and Samantha, actress wannabe, didn’t sit too well with their respective mates. In fact Rosie’s boyfriend, Mark, only agreed to go after he got a newpaper column based on moving to the country. Samantha’s husband Guy, didn’t have much say. He was in the throes of a heart attack when Samantha decided the move from crowded city to bucolic countryside would help move her into the limelight.


The grass is always greener on the other side might sound good as a platitude but in real life, that’s not usually the case as these characters find out the hard way. Thinking that writing a column about moving to the country would be as easy as falling off a log, Mark finds nothing suits him as subjects for a column even though Rosie comes up with numerous clever ideas. How can a man write when there are so many distractions - such as the screaming horde of children living next door with their marijuana hazed parents or the perpetual screech of tires and banging of front doors from the nosy postman who has to visit each house and pass on everyone else’s business.


Rosie has her own set of problems to deal with. Not being too fond of the adverse changes in Mark’s personality, Rosie begins to question whether the relationship is what she really wants. When things get out of hand at a neighboring party, Rosie is faced with a few new professional challenges and personal choices that might just be right for her. Is the cute but falling down cottage in the countryside still the place to be? Is Mark still her dream man?

Holden’s sense of humor, keen observational skills and sharp, satiric wit really appeal to me; she can come up with characters who are just so full of themselves and find humorous ways to give them their comeuppance. If you think you’ve got the end to this one figured out- think again! Holden manages to throw in a real twist at the end.

Farm Fatale had me snickering on page two and the trend continued to the finale. Is this great Literature? No! A fun, sheer escapism read? You betcha! As with Holden’s Beautiful People, I enjoyed this one immensely. 4****


My Review:

Farm Fatale by Wendy Holden is a lively, faced-paced, clever novel that makes for a delightful afternoon of reading or the perfect summer book pick. The adventure begins as Rosie and Mark decide to give up life in the city and choose to move to Eight Mile Bottom in the country, beginning a brilliantly witty tale of the antics of the rather eccentric characters of Eight Mile Bottom. Will Rosie and Mark be able to survive country life?

Holden writes a brilliant novel filled with a delightful and eclectic cast of characters, vivid description and imagery further ensconces the reader into Eight Mile Bottom. I recommend Farm Fatale to anyone looking for a charming, witty novel. Pack up a copy of Farm Fatale into your bag before heading to the beach and you shall not be disappointed.


Oh I’ve got another great chick lit title for your beach bag! Wendy Holden was an author new to me but one I will be reading again for sure. In Farm Fatale, Rosie has her heart set on moving to the country from London, England. Her boyfriend Mark only says yes after his newspaper agrees to let him write a column about the goings on in Eight Mile Bottom - the village they move to. Their little cottage needs some work and there are some issues with the neighbours, but Rosie is determined to make it work.

Also moving into Eight Mile Bottom are Samantha and her husband Guy. Samantha saw a magazine spread about a country estate and decided she should have one too. With more money than common sense, they end up buying a local manor house.

But not everything is coming up rosy in the country.....

Holden has created a wonderfully warm, funny, lovable character in Rosie. She’s real and is the kind of person I’d like to have as a friend. Her search for love and happiness is one we can all identify with. Who hasn’t dreamed of escaping to the country?

But it was the character of Samantha that had me laughing out loud. She is just so blatantly over the top, it’s hilarious. The details of the designer (Basia) who redoes her London house are priceless.


"...at the vase, more than a meter square, which Basia had placed in the center of a coffee table the size of a double bed. Vase fascism, Samantha had hotly retorted, is a central tenet of Basia’s design philosophy. She wanted to challenge the fact that I filled the same vases in the same place with the same flowers every week."
I also really enjoyed Samantha’s daydreams - she writes the copy for the magazine articles she envisions herself in. Holden perfectly captures and delightfully skewers every glossy magazine layout you’ve ever read.

The supporting cast of characters are no less engaging. I particularly enjoyed the local pub owner - his dialogue was quite witty, as were his various tee shirt logos.

There’s lots of misunderstandings, missed cues, romantic entanglements and untangling along with the search for greener pastures. A light-hearted read chock full of witty dialogue and fun!

Rosie convinces her boyfriend Mark that they should move to the country where they will both be able to work from home and just be able to get out of the big city and live a less hectic life. She finds a cottage in Eight Mile Bottom, somewhere in England. What ensues is a very funny story about what happens when several couples relocate to the countryside. Rosie is an artist, Mark is a writer. Another couple are Guy and Samantha. Samantha is an actress and her main focus is, well, herself. Eight Mile Bottom is a quiet small town with a variety of quirky characters. Duffy is the postman who just walks into the residents homes with their mail and offers advice and gossip. Matt is the reclusive rock star that everyone speculates about but Rosie befriends him at Samantha’s party. Guy has a daughter Iseult who despises her stepmom. Then there is Jack, the farmer who allows Rosie to paint his sheep for her illustrations. Rosie’s and Mark’s next door neighbors are Mrs. Womersley who is Jacks aunt. So needless to say it is a tight knit community and everyone knows about everyone else. I found Farm Fatale to be a funny, witty and just plain fun book to read..

Rosie has always dreamed of a country cottage. She is tired of the noise, and hustle and bustle of city life in London. She is a children’s book illustrator, and her boyfriend Mark is a freelance writer. Mark loves the city and refuses to move. When he lands his own column for a newspaper however, they decide to make the big move to the country as Mark will be writing about the new trend of country life. Both can work from home and they will not have to travel into the city on a regular basis.

Samantha, an aging movie star, and her financier husband Guy are also looking to move to the country. Guy hates the country as much as Mark but will do anything to appease Samantha. They are looking for a mansion with all the comforts of home, where Samantha can redecorate to her own taste.

Both couples find their dream home in the small village of Eight Mile Bottom. Samantha and Guy purchase a stately mansion complete with ghosts - though they don’t know this until they move in and Guy begins to see and hear things in the hallways at night. Rosie and Mark buy a little cottage that needs alot of work. But they plan to repair it as soon as they can afford to do so.

Eight Mile Bottom is anything but quiet. The postman knows everyone and all their business. He delivers the mail (after reading it of course) and stays for tea and biscuits, sharing all the gossip. Rosie befriends the elderly couple next door and they try to set her up with their nephew Jack, a farmer with an attitude. The hippie couple down the street, with all the children, constant interrupt Mark’s writing until he develops writer’s block. When Samantha and Guy host a party, Rosie meets a reclusive rock star who lives in the village. Mark is impressed by Samantha’s connections and is hoping to reap good material for his column.

Farm Fatale is full of humour and wit. The little village comes alive with its quirky characters and romantic entanglements. It is city versus country to the entertaining end.

Wendy Holden has done it again! With Farm Fatale: A Comedy of Country Manorsshe had me cracking up as well as worrying about her heroine Rosie, and her semi-unfocused life. Illustrator Rosie lives in London with her boyfriend Mark, an ambitious reporter. Desperately wanting to move to a country village, Rosie is able to pull her plan together when Mark is given the opportunity to write his own column. They will find a country cottage and Mark will write about their experiences as Londoners learning the country way of life. A cottage built in 1649 with an overgrown garden becomes their home, surrounded by quirky yet friendly neighbors and visited daily by the nosiest postman in England. Rosie adapts well to their new home, bringing the garden back to life, finding the perfect illustrating job to complete in her rural world, and making friends all over Eight Mile Bottom. Mark is having a more difficult adjustment, unable to find topics worthy of his column, holing up in the cottage, and worrying about the criticisms of his editor.

Rosie and Mark grow apart, and Rosie grows close with a local farmer while Mark begins questioning the wisdom of staying in the countryside. A large social occasion in the village brings their relationship to a head, and in the days following Rosie and Mark begin building their separate lives.Farm Fatale is filled with funny characters and situations, including a wanna-be starlet and the local publican, who runs the village hen races. Wendy Holden gives us more thoughtful moments as Rosie contemplates jumping from one relationship to another, and she learns that the person the world sees is often not the person one is inside. I greatly enjoyed Wendy Holden’s Farm Fatale, and would love another story about all the interesting characters of Eight Mile Bottom. I can’t recommend this book more as a great example of fun, summer time beach reading!



Coming together and making something happen out of nothing. Add a dash of slapstick and a bevy of characters and you have Farm Fatale.

This is my first foray into Wendy Holden’s work, and I have to admit that it was worth the read. Ms. Holden spins a tale that’s interlocked and complex, though while when you’re reading it, it seems breezy. The characters are interesting and nabbed my attention immediately, even when they weren’t my favorites. There are lots of plot twists to keep the reader entertained and engaged with the story, but I can’t disclose them without ruining the story.

I liked the interwoven love stories in this book. Rosie and Mark are total opposites. He loves the city, while she’s dying to get back to the earth on the farm. The culture clash is something that anyone can relate to. We’ve all known someone who’s a square peg in a round hole, such as Mark. But I loved Rosie’s spirit. She never gives up.

Guy and Samantha seemed like caricatures of Hollywood types, and made me laugh throughout the book. I loved their idea of being in the country without the actual hardship of being “country” folks. And Samantha’s tendency to stick her nose into everyone else’s lives cracked me up.

My only real issues with this story were the bevy of characters and the ending. I like a story with lots of things going on, but there were times when I had to reread and almost make notes to keep everyone straight in my mind. I won’t say much about the ending, but it seemed a tad cumbersome, like it wasn’t exactly firm. Still, the book was an enjoyable read and I will certainly tell my friends about it.

If you want a story that will make your sides ache from laughing, then you need to read Farm Fatale.


Rosie and Mark want to move to the country. Rosie, a freelance illustrator, can work anywhere and is tired of the city noise, traffic, smells, people, hustle and bustle. Mark, a rising journalist, first refuses to consider relocating, but when his editor approves a weekly column on the trend of moving from the city to the country, he is on board.

Samantha also wants to move to the country. A frustrated actress who married super-rich Guy, she wants to get in on the trend, and she wants to move Guy further away from his first wife and daughter. Guy is not enthusiastic, but when he has a heart attack, Samantha sells their city place and buys a country one while he is out of commission.

Both couples end up in the small village of Eight Mile Bottom, although in vastly different circumstances. Rosie and Mark are in "a restricted financial condition" as their realtor puts it, and move into a small cottage in need of renovations. Samantha picks out the local manor house, a seventeenth century house she then proceeds to renovate until it loses its authenticity. Rosie is entranced with the local folk, livestock, local produce and small town relationships and ways. Samantha, who expects the local landed gentry to beat a path to her door, is less entranced. She regards the locals as buffoons and the animals as nuisances.

Can these two couples adjust to life in the country? Wendy Holden, author of Beautiful People and Bad Heir Day, will entertain the reader as they find out which couple, if either, makes a successful adjustment to this new way of life. Holden is in fine form. Her prose is witty and has an off-beat, self-deprecating humour that many authors try to accomplish but few can pull off. Her depiction of Lady Avon coming to visit Samantha (she turns out to be the Avon Lady!) is priceless and had me laughing out loud. This book is recommended for readers looking for a fun entertainment.

Rosie, a freelance London illustrator, finally convinces her boyfriend Mark that they need the peace and quiet of the country in order for them both to do their best work. Mark finally receives his own column writing witty articles about life in the country.

Rosie’s new writing project is coming along nicely as she meets the quirky residents on Cinder Lane and Eight Mile Bottom. Mark, however, is rejecting all of Rosie’s amusing story suggestions as seen through the colorful residents of the area. Now Mark is irritable and falling apart, as well as hating the country. Things don’t happen quite the way Rosie has planned upon their move, and the "country" actually brings the unexpected. The simple life Rosie desires isn’t so simple.

The writing is quite witty and clever, but, I found it to be sometimes a little hard to follow with all the English slang that I’m not familiar with. There did not appear to be a lot to the storyline itself, but it’s still somewhat humorous and catchy enough to give a few chuckles along the way.

SUMMARY
This new edition of the UK bestseller will enthrall readers with author Wendy Holden’s trademark snappy wit, which this time skewers the culture clash of city vs. country.


4.5/5 Stars, RT Rating

Two city mice move to the country and find lives they didn’t expect. The humor and charm here are due in part to Holden’s gift of showing, not telling. The characters get what they deserve to the reader’s complete satisfaction. Well written, thoroughly entertaining and not to be missed.

Rosie longs to move to the countryside. Her boyfriend Mark is a newspaper columnist who dreams of fame and hates the idea of leaving London — until his editor asks him to write a column about city folk moving to rural surroundings. Trophy wife Samantha maneuvers her rich husband (unconscious at the time) into selling his London home and buying an estate in the same town. Add a reclusive rock star, a ghost and colorful local characters and life is livelier and more cosmopolitan than anyone expected. (SOURCEBOOKS, Jul., 432 pp., $14.99)

Reviewed By: Page Traynor