Warning!

Unless you already know how to save planet Earth from total destruction, read the next sentence of this book! Actually, this second sentence won’t be all that helpful. Obviously not this third one either. Let’s be honest, you’ll probably need to read the entire book if you hope to learn anything useful.

In the first two books of Elliot’s story, children were warned to stop reading as soon as possible. Recent scientific studies have shown that one in five readers obeyed the warning and put their books down right away. They have hidden in fear under their beds ever since, gratefully living off whatever crumbs were left behind by their kind mice friends.

Those readers who ignored the warning stepped into dangers they could not have foreseen. For example, at least twenty children read about Elliot while walking to school and accidentally stepped into potholes. This might not seem dangerous now, but if you continue reading this book, you will understand that holes of all sizes should be taken very seriously.

Even if you dared to read the other books about Elliot, this book’s warning should not be ignored. In fact, if you care at all for planet Earth, you will pay very close attention to the lessons inside these pages. In past books, you were urged to close the book and run away. But now you are warned to turn the pages as fast as you can read them. You must know what happens inside this book to learn whether Earth gets destroyed. Because let’s face it—that would be a bad thing.

If you cannot wait until the end of the book to find out if Earth has been destroyed, then here are a few tips to help you figure it out for yourself.

First, you should go to your kitchen cupboards and see if you have some peanut butter to make a sandwich. If you have no peanut butter, no cupboards, and for that matter, no kitchen, then it’s possible that Earth was destroyed.

Second, you should ask your teacher when your homework is due. If she says it’s not due until Friday because Earth was destroyed, then you will have your answer. Also, you won’t have to worry about your grades anymore.

The final way to know if Earth has been destroyed is to look out your bedroom window. If you see planets and cosmos instead of plants and cars, then you are flying through space. This will mean that Elliot lost the war, and you will have to find a new planet to live on.

Hint: Choose a planet that has ice cream. You won’t regret it.